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The current year marks a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a detailed breakdown to the terms Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This signifies going for someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {