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I have been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome many obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been constantly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Several of her social circle drifted away then, since they had been focused solely on her husband. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, likely realised better the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many close to her vanished leaving her knowing the cause. The company she worked for turned on her, despite the fact that she was highly competent, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

Present Situation

In recent times, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending each other more, yet I realize my position between us feels one-sided. I start topics of conversation but she shifts them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to recommend factchecking and different perspectives.

She has been arranging a holiday to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly and lived in previously. I attempted to share advice, yet it was unappreciated. She really just desired validation of her decisions. I recently returned from a month there and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs without a word, however, I feel she will ever grasp the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in pulling back. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, but it is rarely the peaceful resolution we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of working things out demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be based on facts like exactly what occurs. The second is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument about this. What you feel are valid, after all. The third step involves requesting how you are both going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Remember she too has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to remain silent for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful for promoting mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

She may dismiss all you say, as some people have a deep-seated story: they maintain a version regarding their experiences they cannot release because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing they trust. It's tough as there is no clear path with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could start out defensively then consider your perspective. If you never reach an agreement, you'll have closure from having been truthful.